


We Recognize The Way Things Are

by O_R



Series: Kindergarten Boyf Riends [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bullied!Michael, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Kindergartner!Jeremy, Kindergartner!Michael, M/M, Panic Attacks, Squipped!Jeremy, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-13 07:03:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12978651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/O_R/pseuds/O_R
Summary: Certain Boyfs are just for kindergarten. Certain Riends are meant to be...Alone.





	We Recognize The Way Things Are

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: THERE IS AN ATTEMPTED SUICIDE IN THIS FIC SO CONTINUE WITH CAUTION.
> 
> This is loosely based on Martha’s song from Heathers. Cause twelve years of friendship had to have started in kindergarten, right?

It was a Wednesday when Michael found himself aimlessly walking down the sidewalk in his neighborhood. He decided to walk instead of drive in his P.T. Cruiser to clear his mind. It had only been a couple days since Jeremy choose to abandon him in Jake Dillinger’s bathroom that one Halloween night. The cold November air was seeping into his bones considering all he chose to wear was his usual ensemble of clothing including dark jeans and his red hoodie. He could vaguely make out his drawn-out breaths in the frigid air as his headphones were blaring music in his ears.

* * *

_A four year old Michael exasperatedly huffed looking around for something to do. His family just moved to Middleborough county and the young boy had yet to make any friends. He anxiously watched as the other children around him were in their own separate groups on the playground while he chose to sit by the wall playing with the dandelions in front of him. Sitting with his legs crossed, one elbow leaning against his knee and using his left hand to support the side of his face, he absentmindedly began to pluck the dandelions out of the ground observing as the other kids began to play tag._

_Earlier he had been mocked by Madeline for having glasses or “nerdy space googles” as she began to call them which prompted everyone else to stay away from him as per childish conventions. The teachers were oblivious to his sniffles when he sat alone in the back of the classroom that day._

_So back to his current predicament, Michael once again huffed at his misfortune sitting alone by the wall as the others happily ran around shunning him. He thought perhaps he could ask his mom later on if they could simply move to another house because all the kids were being mean to him. He let out another sniffle when someone’s shadow came into view._

_”Uh-um... A-are you a-alright?” An unfamiliar voice stuttered._

_Michael quickly used his sleeve to rub away the moistness of his eyes._

_“N-no, I’m sad,” he childishly pouted._

_”W-well, I’m J-Jeremy,” the boy in question introduced._

_Michael was taken aback by the response and finally raised his head to fully examine the brunette boy in front of him,”W-what?” He called out confused._

_”I’m s-sorry. I just...I mean... you... uh... you looked really unhappy and umm... my d-dad would always make my mom laugh when he says something l-like that... I don’t really get it too... but I thought maybe it would make you smile,” Jeremy tried to explain._

_”O-oh. I’m Michael,” They looked at each other for a moment before he continued,”I still don’t get what’s funny.”_

_Jeremy seemed to shrink after his confession and turned to make a hasty retreat when Michael spotted something unmistakable on the back of his shirt._

_”Hey, is that a Legend of Zelda t-shirt?” he asked suddenly interested in the iconic symbol decorating the back of Jeremy’s shirt._

_Jeremy nervously turned around and nodded but seemingly flinched when Michael got off the ground and began to approach him._

_“That’s so cool! My dad was just showing me how to play the Four Swords Adwen-adven-ture?” he struggled in pronouncing the word,“ and it looks really hard. He even said that he’ll get me the Minish Cup for my birthday.It looked so cool and the bad guys are so scary...uh.. are you okay?”_

_Jeremy looked at him utterly overwhelmed by his enthusiasm but dumbly nodded anyway. Obliviously, Michael began to go on another rant about all the games his dad had in his possession when Jeremy eagerly admitted he too owned a game cube. And perhaps that was the moment, Michael realized they were going to be amazing friends._

* * *

Michael was on his last supply of weed so everything was buzzing around him. He’d spent the last couple of days in his room getting high like there was no tomorrow choosing to call himself in for being sick. It’s not as if his parents seemed to notice or anyone for that matter.

Prior to the party on Halloween, Michael was getting increasingly harassed by the people around him. A couple weeks after Jeremy bought the Squip, Michael would constantly find himself at the wrong end of some prank or crude joke. Just last Monday he was shoved into the janitor’s closet and was later found uncontrollably shaking by said custodian nearly three hours later. It was by chance that he was found and promptly picked up by his mom as he was too shaken to drive himself home.

It was the same night when she chose to announce her impromptu business trip to California. Michael did nothing but numbly respond with an “okay see you soon” as he watched her walk through the door. His dad was on vacation to visit his family in Ecuador so that just left Michael alone to an empty house.

It was probably the same solitude and eerie silence from that time that drove him to take a walk that Wednesday afternoon.

* * *

_Jeremy came up to him during snack time with a burning question,“Will you be my boyfwiend?”_

_“What’s that?” Michael tilted his head to the side in confusion, “Are we not friends?” A nervous frown appeared on Michael’s face._

_Jeremy began to gesticulate wildly,”No, we are,” he reaffirmed,_ _“I don’t know for sure but that's what Wendy called Aaron and Mr.K allowed him to switch with Carl so that he could share a mat with Wendy during naptime."_

 _“Oh so being your boyfwiend means I can share a mat with you too? What about Max? Is he_   _still being mean to you?”_

_Jeremy pouted before nodding,” He keeps blowing in my ear when I try to go to sleep and when I tell Mr.K, he doesn’t believe me.”_

_Michael looked at him with as much sympathy as a four-year-old could muster before nodding enthusiastically,_ _"Okay, I would love to be your boyfwiend. Let’s do it!” He grabbed Jeremy’s wrist and navigated through the tables and chairs to head towards their teacher._

_”Mr. K, Mr.K!” Michael called with Jeremy behind him. Once they finally reached their teacher, the mentioned adult decided to crouch down so he would be eye level with the two giggling children. Michael let go of Jeremy’s arm to fully face Mr.K._

_”What can I do for you boys?” He questioned._

_“Can I share a mat with Jeremy for nap time today?” Michael was going to continue their newfound status but Mr.K responded before he could mention it._

_”Of course. Go right ahead boys,” He gave them a smile before standing and walking away after spotting some of the other kindergarteners starting a food fight._

_Michael turned to Jeremy and shrugged before heading back to his seat with Jeremy in tow. A few minutes passed before their teacher finally announced the start of naptime, so Michael rushed to get a mat while Jeremy reserved a spot by the windows. When Michael made it to Jeremy dragging the mat behind him, they placed it down and sat on it giggling in their excitement. A couple of the other kindergarteners were also chattering to the others around them, some voicing their complaints toward the activity and others being too hyper to actually sit down on their mats. Mr.K soon quieted down all the kindergartens before dimming the lights within the classroom._ _Michael placed his glasses next to him and proceeded to close his eyes. He could still hear as the other children around him whispered to each other but the restless figure beside him caused him to turn and face the other. He opened his eyes realizing his face was only a couple inches from Jeremy's. He had a pout on his face._

_"What's wrong?" Michael questioned._

_"I can't sleep."_

_“Do you want to hold my hand?” Michael held his hand out to him._

_Jeremy looked at it hesitantly trying to act brave before shaking his head although Michael could see right through it._

_“Then can you hold my hand?” He asked in a near sleepy tone. A yawn escaped from his mouth,”I like holding hands with my mama when she reads me a story to sleep.”_

_Jeremy still looked at him apprehensively as Michael closed his eyes. Just as he fell asleep he could feel a slender hand in his._

_..._

_The moment was completely forgotten a couple days later if not brought into question twelve years later by five feet five inches of teenage bully. They still held hands every so often. That was. Until first grade came along and a certain sweetly dorky Asian girl came into the picture._

* * *

He could vaguely recall the last time he’s had a decent night’s sleep. Dark bags were visible underneath his red eyes. He liked to pretend that it was the weed that made them so instead of the hour he spent experiencing another panic attack before he passed out in his own exhaustion only to wake up thirty minutes later from another nightmare.

Dreamless nights became his only solace as every waking minute was invaded by thousands of voices telling him that he wasn't worth anything. Telling him that there was nothing that could pull him out of the very depths he’s fallen into. No one to help him back to the surface.

* * *

_Michael and Jeremy were banned from spending time any longer within the Mell household after proving to be too much for Michael’s dad to handle, so they were banished to the backyard without so much as a soccer ball to entertain themselves with._

_Instead, they pretended to go on a grand journey like the characters of the video games they loved so dearly. For hours, they would dogde imaginary enemy attacks and climb mountains as high as they could (or rather the trees in Michael’s backyard). They fell_ _exhausted giggling onto the grassy surface after finally defeating a great dragon._

_“Jeremy?”Michael called. He was now panting from all the adventures they went through._

_”Yeah?” He sounded equally exhausted._

_”Today was really fun.” Michael admitted, a smile gracing his face._

_”Yeah, it was,” A similar content expression found its way onto Jeremy’s face._

_“Do you think it’ll always be like this?”_

_“Hmmmm?”_

_“Do you think we will always be friends?”_

_Jeremy didn’t skip a beat, “Yeah!” he expressed before continuing, “You’re super cool Michael.”_

_”Really?”_

_”Really,” Jeremy confirmed before adding with a smile, “You’re like my favowite pewson. Now and fowevew.”_

_“Do you promise?” Michael held out his pinky._

_“Promise.” Jeremy linked his own pinky with Michael’s sealing the deal._

_They both contentedly returned to watching the clouds pass by and Michael naively allowed himself to believe that Jeremy would keep his promise._

* * *

Without thinking too much into it, Michael found himself on the path towards the closest Seven Eleven to his house which was nearly a forty-five-minute walk away on foot. He was going across the bridge that connected Middleborough to the urban area where the Seven Eleven was located but stopped midway, looking towards the railing of the bridge.

He took a step towards the railing before taking another and another until he was leaning his elbows on the railing itself looking towards the glistening waters beneath him. He stared into the deep waters contemplating how his life lead up to this moment. 

He could just walk back home and pretend that none of his had ever happened. He hadn’t planned any of this yet here he stood watching as the waves began to look ever more enticing. It was as if they were inviting him to join them.

Perhaps it was the increasingly deafening voices in his head that made it impossible for him to turn back. Or perhaps it was the weed that impaired his judgment enough that he was climbing over the railing.

He wanted to go back. Back to a time when he wasn’t apprehensive at the very thought of going to school. A time he could freely walk down the hall without being shoved into janitor’s closest or passed threatening notes because of his sexuality. A time when his only friend hadn’t decided that he was too cool for him.

“Maybe you should stop being such a fucking _loser_ then!” He brokenly yelled in his grief.

It took him a moment to register the tears going down his face. A dark chuckle bubbled up within him as he bitterly laughed at his own patheticness.

Leaning over the edge both hands on the railing, he stared intensely into the waters below. However, as he looked down, his glasses slipped off his face. He made a mistake to attempt to grab for them, letting go of the railing.

He vaguely heard a voice calling out to him before he felt himself falling. For a moment, he felt weightless in his descent as the waters became imminently closer. Hitting the surface of the water, he registered excruciating pain before everything faded into darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for comments,kudos,bookmarks and of course, being all your lovely selves.


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